Thursday, May 13, 2010

And so it begins....YATAA!

That’s me. Each day is a struggle, another chance to do right. I’ve been happily married for the last six years and I have enjoyed motherhood. Still, there is something missing. I’ve been feeling out of balance. I’m very into yin and yang and if you know me, I’m at times more yang than anything else. One thing is certain, I am a writer. Writing is my soul. When my fingers tap along, the words come out and help me make sense of my world.

At 36 (I’ve never been ashamed of my age), I still feel like I live in a cocoon. I have certain life accomplishments checked off my list, but I want more. Is it wrong to want more? I feel like I should be wailing the lyrics to Radiohead’s song, Creep—“I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.”

What is the role of my blog? How much of my private life do I want to expose? Just enough.

I would be happy if no one read my blog, because I am first and foremost doing this for ME. My thoughts and realizations and confusions need an outlet. My writing, my quips, my poetry, my short stories, my novels---heck, even my Facebook posts are outlets.

So, for today, after watching Oprah and her show with Geneen Roth, WOMEN FOOD and GOD, I bought the book. Something I don’t usually do. I’m cheap (let’s call me frugal)—I check eBay and Craigslist first. Of course, happy to find that it was 30% off…I just read the prologue and I want to continue. I need to figure out why I beat myself up with food. Why I blame hormones, why when my energy wanes I get grumpy. I don’t want to be this way. I want to understand why I sometimes clutch onto my defeatist, victim attitude. I have even been “training” for an upcoming marathon team relay (which equates to about 6 miles—not the entire 26.2) for the last six months and have ended up gaining weight. Things that make you go, hmmmm?

So, like the blog title conveys. I am a GODDESS in training. I want to achieve that magic aura or enlightenment, like in the movie, The Last Dragon (by the way, Taimak still looks good for his age). I want ZEN. In the meantime, I am writing like crazy (as much as possible with two awesome children under the age of 4) and keeping in touch with my Chamorro side, with my connection with CHE’LU, Inc., (shameless self-promotion here).

I am working on self-publishing a compilation of 13 short stories (Attitude 13) by October and a children’s book based on a retelling of a Guam legend.

This is the Year of the Tiger, (that’s me and birthday boy) and I am feeling powerful and productive again. By the way, Happy 24th birthday to Robert Pattinson, the muse of my novel and the man my husband allows in my cougar fantasies. Esta later!

10 comments:

  1. Yay im the first follower! You were the first on mine too. I agree the facebook posts are outlets. At least 321 people are listening. Haha. Voyeurism, it's not for perverts anymore!

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  2. Oh yeah and I suggest you stop watching Oprah. She is leading many into that exact feeling that you expressed, "Still, there is something missing." Nothing Oprah says or any of her "experts" or authors that give advice about life will make your life feel better, complete, or fulfilled. I guarantee you we will never feel complete here in this life on this Earth. We will always be longing for something here on Earth, and we will never feel complete. To find out why we will always be longing, I challenge you to read the number one best seller of all time, The Bible. Jesus came down and experienced every single feeling good and horrible that we have felt here on Earth, and finally he suffered the worse kind of death, the one he suffered on the cross. The Bible will tell you exactly why we have crosses and how and why we should just carry them. Oprah is on my blacklist, because she gives people false promises. God on the other hand does not lie and is not capable of lying. He tells you how it is and will not sugar coat anything. Life is hard, and it is not going to get better, the news is getting worse and worse. The world keeps producing standards that we cannot keep up with. It is downright absurd what the world tells us we need to do to be successful. It is unattainable and unfruitful.

    Eli and I love you guys. We hope that you and your family are blessed always. Take care, it has been awhile since we have talked. We should get together! Talk to you later. Muah!

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  3. Ok, well I guess I'll take the number 2 follower spot :) Let us, your followers, know how you like the book!

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  4. the fact that you worked in taimak makes this the greatest blog ever created... EVER.

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  5. Well, nikechic619, I appreciate your comment. I must say that I still love Oprah and her show. You are entitled to your opinion, as I am mine. Oprah doesn't give "false promises"--only the individual can fall for that...so if that's the equation, I must have fallen into some sort of delusion from watching the show and buying the book. You have witnessed my struggle with weight, heck you even served as my trainer for a time. So, should I give up my goals because "It is downright absurd what the world tells us we need to do to be successful. It is unattainable and unfruitful"? You hope my family and I will be blessed, but again...how? You say the Bible. If I don't read the Bible, then I don't have the template for life, apparently. The Bible was written by whom? I'm a religious, spiritual and God-fearing woman. I see the evil and wrong-doings outside of the U.S. I pray for a better world. With each room in my home, with each child that I bear, with my life with my husband--I strive to live a good, solid, true life. In between stressing over the many crosses I may bear in my "spoiled" life and worrying and praying about all the wrong in the world...I'm going to enjoy my television show(s). I will write that novel that inspires one to want a grand love, even if it is unrealistic or unattainable. In closing, this is as personal as you make it to be. However, I enjoy intellectual discourse. We hope you are blessed as well. We love you guys as well. Yes, it's been since Easter since we've hung out. You know where we live, you know my number. We seem to be on different planes of thought right now. I hope we can find common ground again. Peace out!

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  6. I was just warning you about Oprah because I know you guys are Catholic. Her views on God, Jesus, and life are way left field from those who are Christian/Catholic who believe that the Bible is the word of their creator. Basically she has stated she doesn't believe that Jesus Christ is the only way to God, which is contrary to what both Catholics/Christians believe in. Yet she still claims to be Christian, thus confusing the world about what it is to be a Christian who believes in the Bible. What she is into is post-modern new age faith. Faith that claims to believe in God, but takes away Jesus. So they practice all kinds of meditation/mind/body/soul/ breathing/prayer type rituals to "connect" to God. She believes that we are our own gods. What she practices is contrary to the Bible. Again I just assumed you were still Catholic and still believed in the Bible. Having been studying the Bible and becoming somewhat of a wannabee theologian, I have discovered a lot of interesting things about the world of Christianity, the Bible, and the religion on Oprah. Oprah has a lot of influence on the life of people, and I will say again, watch out. I know you are not a puppet, but like I said just be weary of the things that she does and says. All of it is not as profound as many think. I wasn't judging you for watching Oprah and buying the book, again just a warning. As a friend, I will tell you I don't like the advice that she gives people, I feel it is ineffective and superficial, and it never gets down to the root of the problems.

    Again, I assumed you were still Catholic and would have been interested in getting to know what is actually written in the Bible, which as you know is the guidebook for Catholic living as well. I don't know if you have ever attempted to read it or understand it. I barely decided to read it and understand it this past year, and I was just trying to pass along a good read, a read that even people of faith forget is actually a good read. I have come to fall in love with the wisdom, beauty, and truth that it contains and I just wanted to let you know that there was some good stuff in it. Read Ecclesiastes, it is short, it has 8 short chapters. It talks about how we are always trying to attain status, beauty, wealth, pleasure, but in the end it is all futile and vanity. It makes sense for our times even though it was written centuries ago. They had the same issues back then as we do now which is quite interesting. I think the Bible is the best book for advice that anyone can buy. You cannot really rebutt any of the teachings that are in it.

    It really pains me because in my studying about religion and Christianity, I have learned that people are starting to turn their backs on their Christian faith and the Bible which is its backbone. It is the sign of the times according to the Bible. The "world" innundates us with false truth even stating that their is no truth, which is called moral relativism. People will say "well how do you know that what I am doing is wrong, or whether or not their are eternal consequences?" Well the world and you may say I am arrogant, but there is truth and it is all contained in one place, the Bible. People forget to realize that all of our laws are based on biblical principals...continued due to lack of available characters.

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  7. I was not trying to Bible thump on you. I was just trying to say if you want some sound advice about how to not feel like something is missing look into the Bible. If you have questions about where to start just ask us. Again it is a great book. We haven't been able to get rid of it no matter how hard we tried. It's a miracle. And I'm proud to say that I would defend that book and everything written in it with my life.

    I don't think we are on different planes of thought. Not like we were ever on the same one really. We are just two different women who probably have always had different perspectives of life and how to live, who are just now getting to talk about it. We should do coffee and swap books. The guys are leaving next month, we should have plenty of time to chat. ttyl.

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  8. Loved reading your blog and Oprah rules!

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  9. Hi Tanya! I look forward to reading more.

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