Friday, April 15, 2011

Restless, Random and Impatient

“Patience is the companion of wisdom.” –Saint Augustine

The one thing I lack in life is patience. But, the ironic thing is I feel like my life has been fast forwarded from 2004 until now. Seven years! I figure having children can do that to you. The old saying, “they grow so fast,” is absolutely true. When I reconnected with my husband, my friend since we were 12, pen pals since we were 16, I couldn’t wait to be married. We were engaged at 28, married by 30, parents by 31 and now have two awesome kids. Blur. It’s been a blur, a wonderful dizzying blur. I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t want to not enjoy my kids while they’re kids, but I also want to do a great job at raising them.

“Patience is power; with time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.” –Chinese Proverb

I am looking forward to the possibility of two date nights with my husband. But again, I need patience. Thank goodness for family in the area, because we don’t trust our children with just anyone.

I want to live each day, savor each bite without looking up to a finish line. I want my novel done NOW, but understand that writing is a process. Pages can’t emerge without the needed time for my creative juices to marinate. I decided to be a novelist when I was 19. Fresh-eyed and bushy-tailed and a size 8. I’m working my way back to that excitement, that frame of reference when I believed I could have anything in the world, that I was an ass-kicking hot mama. I’ve had a teaching career, an on-going solid love and marriage and two “I wouldn’t trade them for the world” children, now it’s me time. ME, ME, ME! I hear my size 8 jeans crying for me. Soon, my precious, soon, I whisper, but not too soon (I think).

“He that can have patience, can have what he will.” –Benjamin Franklin

I was trapped for some time reading my old journals. So many regrets, so many of the same struggles. It’s pretty pathetic. So, what will I do about it?

“Patience and fortitude conquer all things.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

I guess the Aesop's Fable of the tortoise and the hare can help me right about now. Turtles/tortoises live to be up to and beyond 100 years and rabbits, 9-12 years. You do the math. (My paternal grandmother is 96 years old and still kicking ass).

“Slow your roll.” –Young Buck

So, with Easter around the bend, I don’t want to be a silly rabbit. I want to be the sagely ninja turtle.

Esta Later!

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