“Atta Girl!” This one is for my DAD.

“Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.” –Gloria Naylor

I miss my father. He passed away four years ago at sunset on Guam. My father was a once robust and menacing taotaomo’na of a man and without his good health, he deteriorated. In his final days, I could literally lift him as his weight fell below mine. He was six feet tall and once played high school football; scary enough for boys to avoid me altogether.

I was fortunate to spend the last three months of his life with him in 2007, leaving my duties as a military wife to oversee his return to health after a stroke. He was hopeful that he would be living in California with me, his toddler grandson, and my mom. We already purchased his one way plane ticket; instead I had to call my husband to our island home to bury my father.

I live my life and strive to achieve more so I can hear that “Atta Girl!” from him, even if he isn’t here to say it to me. He is the voice in my head. That internal drive that makes me yearn for more out of my life.

I remember this throughout my school days when I earned an A or brought home an award. I remember his pride when I bowed and received my Tae Kwon Do trophy after a hard win. I knew he was happy to see my name in print after something I wrote, even if it was an opinion piece in the local newspaper. And, I especially felt the “Atta Girl!” when he saw my five day old son for the first time at the airport parking lot like I had a hand in crafting my boy’s exquisite face—it helps my heart to see that my son looks so much like my father. And I’m certain his spunk and toughness lives on in his sassy granddaughter.

My father was 55. He had a lot more to accomplish, especially with his position as a high school Chamorro teacher, his role as a grandfather and as husband and father. He still had dreams and aspirations. His last words to me when the medics took him from our home, with fear in his eyes were, “I love you, girl.” Part of me knew that this would be the last time we would speak (and I believe he knew this too). In ICU, he was unresponsive, the individual components of his body shutting down one by one. I sang the 1958 Everly Brother’s tune, “All I Have to Do is Dream” to him and his eyes rolled forward and tried to focus on me. All I could do was keep singing, still trying to earn that “Atta Girl!” I stood by his bedside, mom clutching him and my baby brother being stoic as my father exhaled his last breath. The memories are too vivid.

I’m rambling on today because I miss him. I keep his memory dear to me because I don’t want unfinished business in my life. My father is my driving force and even though I’m older, I still miss my daddy. I still want his “Atta Girl!”

Is the Sky Really the LIMIT? Let me get my ladder...

“Once we accept our LIMITS, we can go BEYOND them.”
--Albert Einstein

There’s an expiration date for everything. Your life, your relationships, your youth…my tolerance for certain people. (I do find the fact that my can of tuna won’t expire until my son is in middle school unnatural…but I digress).

2011 was set into motion quickly because on January 3rd, my mother-in-law passed away. She was only 61…young by today’s standards. My dad was 55-years-old when he died, my father-in-law, 58. I look at my mother, who is going to be 59 soon and hope only for her health and happiness. She wants to be around for when my children start college, hopes to see them married and prays to be able to hold her great-grandchildren someday (notice her focus on them--she's seen me all "growed" up enough). As a point of reference, my paternal grandmother turned 96-years-old the same day of my mother-in-law’s funeral. Let’s hope we all have an earthly visit that long.

Returning from 9 days on Guam, and after recovering from jet lag, I looked around at my home, my life, my thoughts, my family and as accomplished as I feel, there’s always, I mean ALWAYS room for improvement; always another step towards a new GOAL (or old goal) that requires my focus and dedication. It may be only a day of focus that I can muster, but that keeps me moving forward. Life never stops. Dust never stops settling on your possessions. My children continue to grow and mature in size and intelligence and in my daughter’s case, sassiness. I may have to table one thing to accomplish another. I may have to quit a less important thing to cross another item off my To Do list. It can be overwhelming, but it needs to be done. Maybe I just need to get an IV drip of caffeine, or make more money to hire some help with menial tasks like dusting and cleaning and cooking. (By the way, being a published—that is a self-published author of two books does not make me RICH…far from it, but I am “rich” in other ways that are non-financial).

As I construct this blog, I have a million and one things on my mind, my daughter asking me to switch on the light in the bathroom so she can wash her hands (again), a son who has toys all over the living room floor, a sink full of dishes, and a room that needs organizing. A yard sale would help alleviate the clutter here too. My once neverending cougar crush on Robert Pattinson is waning too! Whoa is me, right?

I have limits. I am on a current wave of self-improvement and when it’s the opposite--you won’t see a blog entry about that. I’d be too lazy or tired to write. That reminds me, I have another novel to flesh out. Roar!

So, I think I’ve reached my limit here. “Son! Stop jumping off the couch!”
ESTA LATER!

2010--Tiger On the Loose--2011

I am consumed with another book idea. This year, 2010, Year of the Tiger has been prosperous and exciting. The launch of Guam Books and Beads with my partner in literary goals, Alison has been a dream realized. But, with all successes, comes maintenance. There have been things I’ve neglected and things I’ve forgotten. A balance needs to be achieved, but right now I’m raging with scenes and ideas for another novel idea. My first novel, which some close friends have read, needs fixing. My characters, Thomas and Phoenix will someday see the light of day. I have an agent waiting for my revised draft. It’s been a year and I have had my focus elsewhere. But, this new idea which I have only shared with my husband is consuming me, this last day of 2010.

So, in a mad rush to get my ideas and these characters fleshed out, I will type like a beast today, especially since my darling children are napping. Starting out 2011 with a bang! I will probably be at my computer typing out scenes, the scenes of this new novel that can’t be contained as the New Year is rolling in.

I wish my family and friends love and success and happiness in 2011. Si Yu’os Ma’ase for your support with my current publications and send me good vibes with my never ending dream to become published, traditionally. One day, my novel will be on bookshelves for general consumption. One day, that novel will be adapted into a movie. And, one day you’ll see me walking the red carpet with the A-list actors portraying my beloved characters. Be kind to me, for you may be given a part as an extra in my movie.

A Chamorro/Korean chick can dream, right? GUAM rules!

Esta later!

Blog You...the Good, the Bad, the Hypercritical

Critics hold a mirror to you because they’re too weak to look into their own reflection (or they’re vampires).

I believe this quote, a la moi, and feel it. I have much to be happy about and criticisms of my books, my life, the mode in which I display my pride in my Chamorro heritage—anything I do from those on the outside will remain outside. Before you step into my house, take off your shoes. Then, I might lend an ear to your words.

Flinging opinions to the wind, in hopes that the target will somehow receive it is a cowardly way to give yourself a voice. Face to face, intellect to intellect…let’s do this. If not, then hold your tongue or find a way to do it yourself. By the way, just because I don’t speak Chamorro, it doesn’t minimize my Chamorro-ness…I had enough of that growing up and I won’t be bullied now.

I’m a concrete house, I’m mighty, mighty….

I had a wonderful, academic and cultural-filled weekend. The UCLA visit was awesome and the support from the Pacific Islander community was uplifting. Keith Camacho, Liz DeLoughrey, Craig Santos Perez and our guides, Alfred and Pua made our visit to UCLA and our panel discussion memorable. So, Si Yu’os Ma’ase! Twelve hours in high heels was worth the experience.

The Jacobs Market Creek Plaza’s 5th Annual Arts and Cultural Fest was our first vendor experience and we learned much and made great contacts. We were pleased by each and every visitor and proud to be a part of our community’s effort to celebrate each culture’s beauty.

Family and friends, Ninja Nari and Kamille (aka Kim Kardashian), Lee, Hank, Z and B, my kidlets, Barb, GW Geckos '92--Penny and Amy, helped make Guam Books and Beads’ first appearance a successful one.

Thank you for your support, until our next event! Read a book why don’t you!
Esta Later!

Attitude 13

Book Details

Attitude 13: A Daughter of Guam's Collection of Short Stories, now available from Authorhouse.com $13.00

I'm a Dandy Lion, hear me ROAR!

"Reading makes a full (man), conference a ready (man), and writing an exact (man)." --Sir Francis Bacon


I’m listless when I’m not writing.

My son asks the same question before walking to his class--after we do our ritual of high-fives and I love you’s and blown kisses. “What are you going to do at home when I’m at school?”

My standard response is “cook, clean and WRITE!”

With the first in my Guam legend series tackled and my short story collection completed, I’m grabbing at words, jotting down phrases that inspire me. A brief meeting with a stranger can spark a storyline in my head. Remembering an old friend in high school, gets me thinking of their point-of-view.

My next legend collaboration with my artist brother is Fu’una and Puntan. Maybe blasting this in cyberspace will add to the urgency. “Git ‘er done!” As Mater would say. So, February 2011 people. That’s my self-imposed deadline.

With no real looming deadline and focus on the promotion of my books and the Guam Books and Beads mission, I’m like a floating dandelion spore.

I let loose a few weeks ago with a night of dancing with the husband at a military ball. Blisters the next day didn’t take away from the fun of that night. I also went to a rock concert, alone. My way of feeling alive--the stylings of Muse roaring in my ear. Ringing ears and aching heels from standing in my rocker chick leather boots for two hours didn’t take away from the joy of that night. Stone Temple Pilots rolls into town in a few weeks, maybe I’ll need another session. Free tickets from the military for a Padres vs. Chicago Cubs game wasn't so bad as a de-stresser either.

I keep several journals handy when I have to wait in the car for my son, my daughter napping. I’ve parked at his school almost an hour early, for prime parking. I’m not the only parent crazy enough to do this by the way. So, that’s my writing time. Poetry lately. Focusing on a few new projects, with deadlines closer to Thanksgiving.

I’m due for a blog session since September zinged by. So, with laptop open or journal and pen in hand…I’ll be writing. Juggling many hats keeps my engine primed. So, if you ever see me in my swagger wagon, jotting away or bobbing my head to some Muse, Kings of Leon or Beastie Boys, I’m working. My office is anywhere I can put my lines to paper. Like the beautiful, wistful dandelion spores, I hope I can land some prime lines, some inspiring phrases, and unique takes on life.

Happy birthday to my dad. He would have been 59 on October 21st.

www.GuamBooksAndBeads.com ROCKS!

ESTA LATER!

I ♥ Alison Rae!

Fasten your seatbelts, this literary train is chugging along with or without you.

The ball is rolling and now I just need to keep up with the momentum. I’ve always worked better with looming deadlines and pressure. I’m feeling it again now with the promotion of my children’s book and short story collection. This book writing project has a life of its own and Alison and I are super passionate about perfecting and maintaining what we’ve started. I feel as giddy as I did when I was planning my wedding. We even created a brand logo--making it all the more real. Details, creativity, commitment—just like a marriage.

This past week we decided (after much research) on a web hosting company. We sat together making the deal and pounding the guy on the phone with questions. When the representative verified that GuamBooksAndBeads.com was indeed available, we shrieked like crazed teenagers. You would have thought Robert Pattinson entered the room (shameless cougar plug). We had to apologize to the very quiet man on the phone. He must be used to people being excited or we stunned him paralyzed with our banshee-like shrieks. So, for the past week we have been building our website. It should launch early September with awesome details. It definitely makes me feel more validated as a writer. I actually introduced myself as a mom / writer today at a NEA Grant workshop. It felt great.

We are looking forward to bringing more literary products to the masses with emphasis on our Chamorro heritage. I am excited to be carrying out my late father’s desire to share the beauty of our culture and having my kid brother and his talents along for the ride is quite comforting.

I feel my father’s presence in these last few months and the synergy of what I decided is carrying me on a wave from the Guam newspaper phone interview (thanks, Lenika), to the purchase of supplies for our festival appearances, to family and friends asking me to autograph their books and being invited to UCLA to speak on a panel. It’s all raining down gloriously and I’m jumping in puddles and acting the fool.

My family keeps me elevated like the great latte stones. My professional and personal relationship with my mali’ and business partner, Alison gives me purpose. Who would have thought that meeting this stranger for the first time at her wedding in 2008 would lead to all this. So, to Alison…you are awesome. Thanks for being a friend. ZINGA!

Esta later!